The Dunning-Kruger Effect is when stupid people think they’re smart. Unlike the Freddy Krueger Effect which is when your murdered in your dreams you die in real life.
You Might Also Like
a squirt gun filled with tuna water would be a pretty devastating weapon
This haunted house sucks. It’s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad.
Wait, this is real life? NOOOOOOOOOO!
Abe Lincoln: write this down
Mary: ok
Abe Lincoln: fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth…okay read it back
Mary: this down
I was really getting my act together–eating right, exercising regularly, looking hot, feeling strong, and doing good work. Then I woke up.
*seductively peels off lederhosen
Doctor: You have acute appendicitis.
Me: And you have a cute face. Drinks?
Acid rain is total bullshit. I stood in it for hours and didn’t even hallucinate one time.
cold water immersion sounds cool but i’m doing this other thing called warm bed immersion
ME: I like a girl with a bit of ink
OCTOPUS: Oh hey
If white guys are day drinking, it’s inevitable that they’re going to start wrestling at some point later that night.
Don’t be so critical of the human race. This is the first time we’ve destroyed a planet.
Well it was really just a matter of time, but I think I’ve completely creeped out my sleep paralysis demon for good this time.
Spring cleaning checklist…
sigh
I bet it’ll be frustrating when we get abducted by aliens and forced into their weird zoo to do human things. An alien kid will throw food at us and shout, “Do a war crime!” Listen, buddy, that’s not how it works.
So UBER is not a dating app?
*sigh*
I kinda thought all those ‘Goodbye’ kisses seemed more awkward than usual.
me: if reality is a simulation then why is it so cruel
also me: i wonder if i can drown this sim in a pot of spaghetti
When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”
6: that’s none of your business
4: it IS my business
6:
4: what does business mean
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put some music they don’t like on
This is the angriest post I’ve seen on Twitter in a long time.
here go my impression of dealing with any client in any capacity ever
CLIENT: how much do u charge?
YOU: its 1 dollar per glorf
CLIENT: oh thats very reasonable. ok i have 3 glorfs. so how much is that?
YOU: 3 dollars
CLIENT: WHY SO MUCH????
NOW I AM CALLING THE POLICE!!
I accidentally sat on a packet of cheddars today and heard my 4 year old niece say “oh no, my cheds” faintly from across the room
The rain was bonkers in Brooklyn today. When I got to the MTA station, all the trains had stopped running! But on the bright side I stayed and got scuba certified.
Sneak into the employee bathroom at Target and make some violent alien noises, maybe leave a jellyfish in the toilet
Letters from overnight camp be like:
-I am having the best time
-I hate camp I want to come home
-I never want to leave ever
-Please come get me
-Can I extend
Trying a thing where I convince my boss today is Friday. Wore jeans, asked about her weekend plans, emailed her the Friday cafeteria specials & wished her a great weekend. Happy Friday everyone!
Construction worker: *whistles* Damn girl, you always move like that?
Me: [crab walking] yes, I’m a Cancer
google maps should not count towards my screen time. i’m not addicted to my phone im disoriented
Back in my day, ketchup only came in glass bottles. I’m grateful for the life lessons it taught me; most problems can easily be solved with patience or a knife.