A Video no one needed, but since I miss saying these things, here is what Product Managers actually do.
Ask & say a bunch of random things to sound smart.Hope I get hired for my honesty at least if not for my skills 😀
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H: Can you call my phone? I can’t find it.
M: Sure. PHONE? PHOOOOOONNNE?! PHONE, WHERE ARE YOU?!
H: Have you been day drinking?
Me: *Posing nude for the first time*
Photographer: Absolutely stunning, but inappropriate for your drivers license tbh
What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman and she asks, “Are you all right?”
“No, YOU’VE had too much to drink!”
~Me, to this bar stool
I’ve been using special shampoo and I’ve noticed my hair is stronger, it benched 240lbs the other day
Co-worker: I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea…
Me: Yeah, you’re my glass of ipecac.
All you guys crying about stepping on Legos, have you ever stepped on a Barbie shoe? Heel pointing up????
wife: The school called. Guess why?
[flashback to me telling my son every answer on his math homework was 69]
me: Why?
[Dentist waiting room]
Me: [chanting] teeth, teeth-
Other patients: teeth, TEETH
Secretary: [pounding her clipboard] TEETH, TEETH, TEETH!
ME: I can’t believe it’s not butter
FRIEND: This is a shoe
ME: Omg I can’t believe it
this may be difficult to process but the real reason nana had plastic on her furniture was because she was a mob assassin
When arguing, I let the other person speak first, then help them see my point by starting with, “Now, what I’m about to say is correct”
friend: edible kick in?
me [washing my hands]: not yet
friend [turns on faucet]: you sure?
I still don’t understand why my boss didn’t like my idea of playing musical chairs at our next Monday meeting. He asked us for new ideas.
The repair guy is showing me broken parts from my dryer, and he might as well be showing my dog a wine list
This is why I avoid Dollar Tree crayons…
It’s very rude to not refer to the manager at Burger King as “Your Majesty”.
I have the nicest shopping cart at Walmart- me flirting
T-REX *runs past me*
ME: woah more like tyrannosaurush
T-REX *stops dead* ok you first. I’m gonna eat you first
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.
A crow just dropped a pink ribbon at my feet. If I pick it up are we engaged or what’s the protocol here
No matter how often I scream METALLICA in the poolside DJ’s face I don’t think he’s going to play them. Here come the police they’ll help me
Why are you even asking me that mom. I love jumping off bridges, either by myself or as a group, you know that.
“You’ve got a friend in me.”
– Cannibals, probably
The Water Board sent me a notice saying that my bill was a year old,
I obviously apologised for forgetting, and sent them a birthday card.
“Do what your gut says”
– well, right now , its Telling me i need to stop eating Pizza
Can you people that don’t use your own picture for an avi stop flirting for crying out loud a lighthouse hit on me this morning!
God: you can sting people more than once.
Wasp: I mean that’s-that’s not that big a deal.
God: oh. hey Bee come here for a second.
Bee: what’s up?
God: Wasp, tell Bee what you just told me.
Wasp:
The Flash is lucky because he can run real fast but also because he lives in a world where every problem can be solved by running real fast.
My husband: It’d be nice to have a wife who cooked dinner.
Me: ooo!! Can we get one?