@JustASmirk

A girl who can wear a baseball hat is hot. Unless it’s a team I hate. In that case, she’s probably a whore.

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@paulrobalino

Aoccdrnig to Ylae rseaerch, it deosn’t mtater waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are in, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is how mcuh mnoey you hvae

@robwhisman

don’t hate robert altman’s 1992 satirical comedy “the player” hate david fincher’s 1997 psychological thriller “the game”

@Jennifergr8

Someone just asked my son what other type of fish do you like then?

He replied….chicken.

Thank god he is good looking.

@noog

When did white people become such fucking pussies?

@NoLuckWanted

I like to think that all my unfollowers have violated their parole and been sent back to the big house. Just kidding, I hope they’re dead.

@moxieblogger

Held a newborn baby, was asked if I wanted one. Laughed & laughed all the way to the bar, where I can go because I don’t have a baby. So no.

@LeiaMarieG

My kid’s insults to each other:
“you have fat lips like Momma.”
“well, you have a big butt like Momma.
Thanks, kids.