Instead of using the same password everywhere, I use multiple variations of the same password where I replace one letter with a special character or number, add extra letters and so on
This is super secure and protects all my accounts from ever being logged into by ME……😂😂
You Might Also Like
Improve your DVD collection by simply attaching googly eyes!
“Be careful when you follow the Masses.
Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent.”
[mysterious old lady flips tarot card revealing a dude who looks exactly like me flying a hot air balloon into power lines]
Me: is that good
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that’s older than you.
Saying you like a lot of meat in your taco is received differently on Twitter than it is on Facebook.
I know that now.
My dog will literally sneeze in my face, but if I dare sneeze in the same room as him, he looks at me like I’ve offended him and 4 generations of his ancestors
10:20
10:25
10:21
10:23
10:22– Parallel parking my time machine
Yelling out the answers to Blues clues to absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends.
Sign of the times. 😒
#Hoarders #COVIDー19 #COVID #CoronaOutbreak
a psychic on the street just said “why don’t you come in for a reading sweetie” and without a beat I said “no thanks I can’t read” and I bet her psychic intuition didn’t warn her I’d say something that stupid
One man has two TCs, an ex with a troll account & a girlfriend who knows his passcode. How long does this man have to live?
Show your work.
[spider in house]
me: oh hey buddy, you lost? let me take you outside[ants in house]
me, wildly shooting bug spray: I AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!
*viking dad at a funeral*
I don’t know throw a burning stick at it or something we don’t waste arrows in this family what you think I’m made of arrows
During the course of some 36 films, did it ever occur to anyone that maybe Godzilla deserves a “good boy” once in a while?
they should have called it “Checkmate” instead of “Tinder”
Me: you want salmon for dinner?
3yo: yeah!
Me: what do you want with it?
3yo: mayo.
Me: I meant what kind of vegetable.
3yo: mayonnaise.
Guys, I found it.
Fun prank: Super glue a baby to the floor and see how many people try to pick it up as they walk by
Whenever someone says smart phones are turning people into zombies, look up from your phone just long enough to bite them.
therapist: now, once again, stress balls are for …….
me: (sighs heavily)
stress balls are for squeezing, not throwing at people when I’m stressed
Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend
When I’m fishing, I’ll use meatballs as bait because most fish are probably sick of seafood.
Joke’s on you, mugger. You only got my dummy wallet with money and IDs. All my photos of mom and my iguanas are taped to my inner thigh.
the word: Mildew
my brain: Mother In Law Dew
Everyone has that psycho ex we pray we’ll never run into again. If you don’t you’re probably it.
sorry i’m late i had to catch a chicken is something i’d never thought i’d say, but here we are
I told my toddler grapes were choking hazards so now when she wants grapes she asks for “choking hazards” instead
THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I repeat, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
– My dentist, to his trainee hygienist, who keeps passing him the wrong implements.
Like on Amazon or in our house?
[My response when my wife asks me if I can find something for her]
You think your day was bad? I just had a 15 minute long argument with a couch cushion.