I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
You think your day was bad? I just had a 15 minute long argument with a couch cushion.
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Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
*all sweaty after doing the worm*
Me: *out of breath* see anything you like?
Her: called 911, thought you were having a seizure.
Them: Come out with us tonight. You might meet your future husband.
Me: Why are you threatening me?
It’s like my father always used to say, “[years of silent disappointment]”
Before sprinting towards the elevator, ask yourself, “Am I hot enough to make them hold the door?”
When you say, “save me some nachos” and I say, “okay” think Rose at the end of Titanic saying “I’ll never let go”..as she lets go.
Black Friday deals but at the pharmacy
Cinco de Mayo means five of mayonnaise in Spanish.