Amazing how each of the kids in Willy Wonka was written to represent a different deadly sin: pride, gluttony, sloth, chewing gum until you become a blueberry, greed, etc.
You Might Also Like
My daughter waking me up at 6:30am to straighten her hair for her, and then her climbing back into bed and going back to sleep, is my villain origin story.
Before I die I want to be chased through the back of a Chinese restaurant.
I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND FIND YOU and cuddle you softly.
Me: whaddu mean “no”
Donut shop employee: we cannot pump the custard directly into your mouth to “save hella time”
“hush little baby” is my favorite lullaby that teaches infants about rampant consumerism
I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said “Die, Decepticons! Die!”
pelicons
-Your house is amazing. Why are u renting this cheap?
-It’s haunted by a low level demon
Demon: Wow I’m right here that is like so hurtful
scenes of unspeakable carnage
How many steps are you guys getting lately for me it’s 7
If anyone finds a twenty dollar bill, it’s mine.
ME: *reading a tweet* What does fr mean?
WIFE: For real
ME: Yes Sharon. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to know.
Kids at this rave act like they’ve never seen a CPAP machine.
[trying to impress date]
Him: I want someone who’s not afraid of a little PDA.
Me: *keys I WANT THE SEX into the side of his car*
I hope that the missing puzzle piece my 5 year old has been searching the house for has nothing to do with my 2 year old’s burp.
I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.
R-E-S-C-E-P-T, found out I need a dictionary
the 1000 IQ baby who kills itself at 1 year old
Nice try Mormons moms, but no amount of propaganda could trick me into being a good wife!
My great grandmother used say that things were better in Russia before the revolution, but I think she was being Tsarcastic.
[first date]
him, a cop: so tell me about yourself
me: not without my lawyer present
Nepobaby? Why, yes, I am, my father was Prom and Homecoming King in a town of 300, I can still get a discount at the local Ace Hardware if Steve is working.
Quick new parent question at what age do you let your new baby start sleeping indoors?
Lady: Don’t go there it’s a very Brad neighborhood
Me: Brad?
*Hundreds of Brads ascend from the sewers. Time stops. The sky turns Brad*
People who knock on my front door really need to give up these unrealistic expectations that I’m going to answer
Leftist: Abolish prison
Me (realising that would make a Con Air sequel impossible): Hold on a minute
The date was going really well until he told me to stop calling it Pasghetti.