in my opinion yamaha is probably the best grand piano/motorcycle company out there
You Might Also Like
I don’t care how much you pay for sushi- you are getting a raw deal.
My friend posted on Facebook that he’s hosting an improv show and every single person reacted with the “care” emoji.
Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.
The horror when you realize you’ve drunk DMd a picture, the relief when you see it’s you holding your neighbor’s new puppy.
I have a disorder where every time I leave my house I spend $100
I was makin out with a cute girl but it got ruined when she ran her hand up my leg and squeezed all the spaghetti out of my pocket
“I hope this email finds you—“ STOP FINDING MEEEEE
Random Company: “Why would you like to work for our company?”
Me: “Well sir/madam, I’ve grown very fond of eating and having a roof over my head and I don’t want to lose that.”
ok wow… unfollowing now. was a big fan of his food but I was not aware he was just an untalented guy being controlled by a rat
Back in the old days you had to settle for someone within a 50 mile radius to love. Now with social media the whole world can disappoint you.
I bet da Vinci told Mona Lisa to smile more and that’s why he’s dead now.
ME: *movie trailer voice* coming this summer…
WIFE: not if you keep that shit up.
Good luck listening to 80’s music without imagining my silhouette doing karate poses.
*Blows dandelion in the wind*
*stares at stem*[whispers] “Now you’re just somebody that I used to blow”
took a girl to starbucks because i forgot her name
[loud fighting downstairs]
Me: What’s this about?
10-year-old: Nothing.
Me: You have to be fighting over something.
10: We really don’t.
Signature Move
The best writer’s defense is a good writer’s offense
I love my husband so much that I have a picture of his credit card on my home screen.
My sister in law got my daughter a doll that sings and blows bubbles and I can’t wait for revenge. I mean my niece’s birthday.
I like to reassure my wife that even though I don’t have big muscles she is always safe with me cause I’m a really loud screamer.
Indiana Jones And The Two Dudes Who Lost Their Cars.
Kidnappers: We have your husband. Send us $10,000 if you ever want to see him again.
Me: Where I should drop off his clothes?
an app that shows you who NOT to date called ok stupid
what’s a not gay way of asking your bro to pose shirtless for a pic that you’ll silkscreen on a body pillow?
kid: mom, have you seen my bag of candy?
mom: i ate it
kid: what?! mom i walked 7 blocks for that
mom: *glaring* i was in labor for day and a half when i had you
kid: oh god no i-
mom: *stepping closer* i pooped on the doctor’s hand
I was on my couch and my 5YO came up and put his arms around my waist. I was smiling like a fool until I realized he was looking for the remote control I was sitting on.
You can learn a lot about your kids by helping them with their homework for example, mine are idiots.
fun fact: scientists discovered years ago that dogs and cats could actually talk and converse with humans, unless their human turned out to be super duper boring
*weighs self*
“Shit”
*takes clothes off*
“GODDAMMIT”
*takes tampon out*
Honey, why do these IKEA sofa instructions show a hammer, two allen keys and a divorce lawyer’s office?