“Clue” is a board game about people trapped in a house and one of them is a homicidal maniac who has just killed. Ages 8 and up.
You Might Also Like
[bean naming]
Angel: okay, this one?
God: it’s black, so black bean
A: and this?
G: lol that looks like a kidney— kidney bean!
A: k, and this one?
G (giggling): GARBANZOOOOOoooooo!!
A: … dude, you alright?
Wanna come over? I have pizza and toilet paper
if you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds
3: Please move
Me: You said that very nicely, but the dog doesn’t speak English
3: Woof Woof
What if instead of meth you made the powerpuff girls?
My lunch consisted of taste-testing 30 opened bags of chips in the pantry for freshness.
ME, my last day as a stenographer: Hey sorry everybody, but real quick, are you all saying “murberer”?
I just thought of something. If there’s a Heaven, all the cavemen are there too
“We’re gonna need more chalk.”
– detective who discovers my body
I am starving and horny. This cucumber is going in me one way or another.
A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.
SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: What would you like-
ME: I’D LIKE TO CREATE A SHOW ABOUT DOGS COOKING PIZZAS
SE: -on your sub?
ME: PUPPERONI
My 5 year old is going to be a witch for Halloween. But she doesn’t want to wear a hat. No wig, either. The black dress? Too itchy. Oh, and she’s not down with green makeup. The only part of the costume she likes is the broom. My 5 year old is going to be a janitor for Halloween.
[stares at baby for almost an hour after I’ve finished feeding him]
Wife: he can’t talk, he’s not going to thank you
[cats at shelter]
Where’s Frank?
“Got adopted 3 weeks ago. Gone soft too. Healthcare plan. Hypoallergenic blanket. Goes by Mr. Boots now.”
Enough with the movies already. We get it. You’re an actor.
Me: There’s a guy in Toronto who survived being shot thirty times. He’s totally fine now
Wife: I am not shooting you. Just go to work
Ok Canada, poutine is great, but you should try putting mashed potatoes and gravy on the fries. I’d try it here but we don’t have universal healthcare.
There is a lady who just asked me if Arsenal is a series! I asked her why?She told me that all Arsenal fans usually wait for the next season
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
@SICKOFWOLVES @funTweeters Can you drive a school bus?
Give a man an axe and he’ll kill a person. Teach a man how to incorrectly spray on Axe and he’ll kill everyone in a 30-ft radius.
“A user interface is like a joke. If you have to explain it, it’s not a that good.”#usability #uxdesign #iOSdev
WAITER: would you like to try the chef’s special, tender snow crab?
ME [getting defensive]: maybe but there’s no reason for name calling
That’s right, I always have subtitles on. Do you know how hard it is to hear anything over the sound of munching snacks?
Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can’t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
Eclipse is too dangerous for my eyes. I’m going to stare at 11-point font google docs on my smartphone all day instead.
My wife just sent me a text ” I just bought you the best Christmas present! xox :)” …..I hope she misspelled Xbox
spiraling out of control, anyone need anything?