Photoshop is turning 25 years old this week. Actually, it’s 35 but just looks 25.
You Might Also Like
Thrilling chase underway
[Vegan Conference]
Announcer: While we await our key speaker, please talk among yourselves
Vegan: I’m a vegan
Vegan2: I’m also a vegan
[talking to daughter’s art major boyfriend]
“You know who else had a pointy beard? Satan.”
Women who say giving birth is painful, obviously never watched YouTube with a 7 year old.
Me: “Can you please help me with my Tinder profile? I’m not having much luck”
My wife:
I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.
Trump’s rhetoric has become even more disturbing and incendiary. Today he claimed “Burger King fries are as good as McDonald’s fries.”
The way this kid screams and cries I’m shocked the parents are willing to pay so much to get it back.
“Oooo, a window. Let’s see if I can fly through it.” – Dumbass birds
“The toilet’s blocked pretty bad so I called the plumber. Should be here later tod-”
[Bowser spits coffee]
“Which plumber?”
blood cell 1: want to tie the clot?
blood cell 2: of course baby
blood cell 3: coagulations guys!
She gets stoked after reading:
“Big strapping boxer” on dating siteBut soon discovers he’s a 475 lb.
guy working in shipping at Amazon.
Why he land on that little girl like that☠️
Guys, if a girl just wants to “be friends,” then borrow $100 from her and never pay her back. Like a “friend” would.
*gets followed*
Me: thanks for following me! Now I’m going to like 467 of your tweets
Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.
channeling her this year
Picture me and my boyfriend on a dinner date
Wrong
We’re sitting on the same side of the table making you uncomfortable
I mowed the neighbor’s lawn today. He told me he loved me. “In a purely platonic way.” I told him he was the non-alcoholic grandfather I never had.
Me: we’re having toad in the hole for breakfast
Pet toad: WHAT
Invention of the hug:
“You look sad. Let me choke your whole body”
hubs: why the makeup?
me: we’re cooking dinner together.
him: and…
me: and, I want to look nice when the police arrive.
I, for one, understand ingrown hairs. I too have seen the world and would like to go back to where I came from
I don’t want to give away my exact locale but I’ll just say I can see the moon from my kitchen. Please don’t abuse this info.
DATE: It’s hard to find a girl that likes goth guys
ME: [hiding a lantern in my purse] You know, it’s weird, I actually thought your profile said moth guys
Bringing in an edit button would deny us glorious tweets like these
Some lady at Olive Garden died, so we’re rummaging through her stuff. Just like a real family.
Cop: Whatever you say will be held against you.
Me: TEDDYBEARS
Cop: Aww.
I run down a hospital corridor, clutching the mustard dispenser I liberated from the cafeteria.
Earlier I had a plan. Now I have mustard.
That terrible moment when you realize the old man in your Facebook feed was a high school classmate.