A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.
You Might Also Like
party idea: “DUI or IUD?” u can only invite people who have one or both and u CAN’T divulge which
Animal testing is pointless. We already know they’re animals.
Bae: come over
Me: I can’t, I’m hanging out with your parents.
Bae: my parents aren’t home.
Me: I know. I just… You never listen Susan.
5 and 11 months: When I was a baby six years ago I was happy.
Me: You weren’t born yet then.
5: No, I mean when I was in your tummy. I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want and it was dark and warm.
Me: *Sigh* And you didn’t fight with me on eating your dinner either.
My favourite part of the Bible is when the little guy finally throws his ring into the volcano.
I’m sorry sir, your wife didn’t make it.
Was it *sniff* the lack of prayers on Facebook?
Yes sir, I’m afraid it was.
I went for a run but came back home after 5 minutes because I forgot something.
I forgot that I’m fat and can’t run for more than 5 minutes
The secret to marriage is finding someone whose chore preferences complement yours.
Interviewer: what’s your greatest weakness?
Me: I use bad words
Interviewer: *laughing* that’s okay, we’re pretty tolerant around here
Me: well that’s extrusively marblous to hear
My hips don’t lie. The bastards run around telling everybody how much I like donuts.
If Kevin Bacon didn’t acknowledge his kids as “Bacon Bits” I’ll be forever disappointed.
Welcome to Insults Я Us, you sack of crap. Buy some stuff if you’re not too cheap. Maybe eat out of a garbage can. You’d probably like that
Oh no Facebook user numbers are down for the first time ever. At this difficult time our thoughts are obviously with Mark Zuckerberg. Those thoughts are:
1. Ha
2. Ha
3. Ha
My wish is for all women to love and accept their bodies but also for my body to be objectively the best even tho I’ll be v humble about it
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
angel: when was he resurrected
god: Sunday?
angel: gonna need you to be more specific if we’re making an annual thing
god: it was like early-mid April
angel: ok-
god: could’ve been March tho
angel:
god: like 40 days after he did the fasting shit
angel: bruh
I really wish my twitter crush would scream out my name instead of ‘hey you’ every time he catches me in the tree in his front yard.
I ripped my duvet and now there are feathers everywhere. This is the adult equivalent of glitter
Please don’t leave that cake alone with me
When life hands you a komodo dragon suddenly the times you got lemons seem pretty cool.
[running away from killer]
KILLER: YOU’RE GONNA TRIP ON YOUR SHOELACES THEN I’LL GET U
ME: MY SHOES ARE VELCRO
KILLER: NOOOOOOOOOOOO
most embarrassing email exchange I ever had:
– Sent an email
– They replied & called me “Mautice”
– I reply with a stink about how my name is properly spelled and that it’s actually really important to me
– They told me to check my 1st email
– I had misspelled my own name
If microbiologists are so smart then how did they end up so tiny?
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It’s stopped twerking.
[I see a cute girl reading a novel]
“Hi there. I couldn’t help but notice-”
*points at book*
“That you support the murder of trees.”
Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for five minutes before eating.
Me: No.
Me: Define Illegal
Cop: You’re drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling ‘For Narnia’
Me: I want my lawyer.
anyone have any tips for making eggs that won’t leave my toaster a huge mess?
i’ve seen the new gif of a guy cutting his pasta with scissors like three times today. i am just putting this buster keaton clip out there to show you where he copped it from —
I was gonna post a picture of my breakfast but I can’t get the gummy bears to sit up straight.