In Russia, Vladimir Putin has said that the killers of Nemtsov “will be ruthlessly hunted down.”
He added, “It’s cheaper than paying them”
You Might Also Like
Annual shout out to my mom, who said she wanted a small filing cabinet for mother’s day when working on her dissertation. My dad got her a microwave. For two weeks she left several manila folders in it and wouldn’t let anyone use it — until my dad procured a filing cabinet.
The Hadron Colander has four crossing points where the accelerated pasticles collide and also makes a great sun hat if you are into that kind of thing.
Invasion? No, the Aliens are here for an Intervention.
I bought a whole set of Ninja cookware and now I can’t find them.
When my 7yo was 5 she found a cape in my drawer. I told her I was a superhero and to keep it a secret. At random she would whisper “I know your secret” and it would freak me out, how much does this kid know!? Then I would remember the cape incident.
I replaced the bulb in my refrigerator with a tanning bulb… that way if I ever get fat, at least I’ll have nice color.
Me: What fresh hell is this?
Satan: *turns to camera, winks* Thanks, Febreze!
In hell, it’s always the last minute of a staff meeting and someone raises his hand for “one more quick question.”
brain: cactus.
me: ok.
brain: touch it.
me: but it’s sharp.
brain: i know but HOW sharp.
no babe, my vegan friends don’t want to meet you for the first time at a place called “the flaming pig”
my dad put my photo on milk cartons when i went missing because he didn’t want vegans looking for his son
A homeless man randomly asked me if I was from Minnesota yesterday, so I replied, “no, but once I stabbed a guy who grew up in Minneapolis”
*opens camera app on phone*
*35 cats scurry under the couch*
I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.
Why do they call it a ‘reading of the will’ and not a dead giveaway?
the guy at the liquor store didn’t card me and it hurt my feelings so I said I was a cop and idk what to do next we’re just standing here
God: so you shoot them with the arrows
Cupid: yes
God: and then they fall in love
Cupid: right
God: with other compatible people
Cupid: uh well-
God: who will love them back
Cupid:
God:
Cupid: sure
I found my husband’s shirt in the dishwasher & his beer mug in the hamper, but the details of this caper have yet to emerge.
Modeled nude for an art class today at my local college. They didn’t ask, I just felt like it.
My kleptomania has always been a challenge, but stealing from this bakery really takes the cake.
Things toddlers have in common with raccoons:
– make messes they have no intention of cleaning up
– won’t share
– don’t like baths
– bitey
Inflatable mattresses are great if you like your bed to slowly eat you.
YO TWITTER PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME OUT. THIS IS MY DREAM AND WOULD BE BEYOND BLESSED IF YALL CAN HELP A DUDE OUT. RETWEET!!!
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
If you tweet about orthopedic shoes enough, you don’t even need to write “No DMs” in your bio.
My husband is a keeper.
No, that’s not the word.
Hoarder. He’s a hoarder.
Coffee cake.
Just put 2 things I like together, what’s next?
Sex steak?
I had my year-end evaluation and it went like “You have great substantive legal skills, but you don’t come into the office enough and you don’t attend social events and you don’t regularly answer emails on weekends.” Yes, precisely.
It’s true. Parents that use drugs, have kids that use drugs. So, there’s an important lesson here…
Don’t have kids.
According to HR, we’re not allowed to staple our colleagues’ tie to the wall when he’s being annoying
That is some bullshit