Bugs Bunny is mostly ears, which makes him a great listener and an ideal boyfriend.
You Might Also Like
My headphones have been pausing to say “battery low” every 2 minutes for the past hour. This is how music is meant to be enjoyed.
See a penny, pick it up, then all day you just have a dirty penny in your pocket
This guy next to me thinks I’m flirting, but really I’m just trying to see where he parks so I can steal his gas
My 10-year-old son only just now realized the character in The Avengers is named “Hawkeye”, not “Hot Guy”
It’s cute how people just rudely walk in front of my car like they don’t realize I’ll hit them and blame it on being an Asian driver.
I was talking to my husband about what it would be like to have a third kid when my 4yo wrapped his little hand in mine and said, “mom, I would be pissed.”
Took a bunch of ibuprofen to keep my tweets from being too inflammatory
Soda bread tastes so good after I remove 200 raisins from each square inch of bread.
Really, iTunes? You need to update my calculator app? Have there been changes to basic math that I’m unaware of?
I dropped food on the floor and my dog got excited but it was just tomato. I catfished my dog
My washing machine keeps flashing the code for unbalanced like I know how to fix that
When I’m guilted into going to a dinner party I didn’t want to, I like to sneak off into the kitchen and slip a few small pieces of LEGO into the pepper grinder that’ll be used at the table. That way dinner is colourful and festive.
I just listened to an great session on “Designers and Gyaan” hosted by @dharmeshba. It provokes a lot of good questions. I can’t help but contrast this with academia. In academia, I get the teaching/speaking opportunities based on how well I “publish.” Many professionals, 1/n
You haven’t seen rage until you’ve seen a group of women waiting for a yoga instructor who no-shows.
[god creatig god]
GOD: make him omnipotent & onmipresent
ANGEL: ok…
GOD: and also provide no evidence he exists
ANGEL: ru sure
GOD: trust me
My birthday is tomorrow. I accept gift cards, cash, cheesecake, or a beach house. You pick.
[walking into a store on september 1st]
employee: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
My 16-year-old wants to know how old he needs to be before I remove the window-lock safety feature on the car. My 21-year-old says she’d love to know too.
Evening News is where they begin with ‘Good Evening’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
[before animals were invented]
plants: this is nice
Cop *pulling me over*: alright, is there anything I should know about?
Me: heart attack symptoms of men and women differ a lot. Men have chest pain while women mostly feel nauseous
Cop: awesome, see, I didn’t know that. Have a nice day
Are you dating a bunch of bees?
*accidentally watches MTV awards
“Who?”
JEDI WHO INVENTED LIGHTSABER: ok its a destructive laser sword so maybe we shoudnt wear anythig too flowy
JEDI IN CHARGE OF COSTUMES: …OORR
My son’s doing a report on the Cold War and asking what ended it. “I’ve got that answer right here,” I say. *starts Rocky IV dvd*
I am not paying for a full year membership at the Y when I only need the pool long enough to hold one hamster Viking funeral.
I just finished watching a Tik Tok that stated if you see a Big foot with evil red eyes you should run. I’m sitting here contemplating shouldn’t I be prepared to run from all Big Foots? Discuss.
People who get stoned in glass houses should probably wear pants
…or whatever that saying is
Find someone more giddy with excitement than my husband who stopped the car between the Canada-US border to joke that we left the kids in another country
Left a plaster cast of my mouth at the bakery so they know exactly how big to bake the cupcakes