The region of Qatar that hasn’t been electrified yet is called acoustic Qatar.
You Might Also Like
It’s so easy getting women wet, it’s refilling my bucket back up with water quickly enough I find challenging.
Accidentally walked into the women’s bathroom, went ahead and peed sitting down so it wouldn’t be awkward for anyone.
Ordering surgeries off the secret menu at the doctor’s office.
Him: Sometimes I worry about you.
Me: Yeah, I worry about me, too.
if it smells like bullshit & looks like bullshit, it probably is bullshit. Putting sugar on it doesn’t make it a brownie.
[guy who just got out of prison on a technicality]
“what were you in for?”
murder, a guy… a guy…
“spit it out man”
a guy, interrupted me
Take caution while searching the annals of history.
The anals of history provide very different results.
TRUMP: if elected i’ll build a protective wall. I’ll call it the great wall
*advisor whispers in his ear*
i’ll call it the really great wall
me:
table: hi
me: *checks dosage*
Trust us: the feminine form of ‘ghostbuster’ is ‘ghostbuster’.
[sex in car]
ME: Remember when you could do this without fear of strangers watching?
BF: Yes
UBER DRIVER: Would you like a water?
I don’t clap when the plane lands but I would boo if it crashed
There are two sides to every story and I’m usually wrong in both.
I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for my 6 year old son’s toys on Christmas morning.
1996: Why do they call the internet “the web”
20 years later, trapped & unable to leave: Oh
I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache so I ate a another bowl to make sure.
Shouldn’t women have a girlnecologist?
When I had to tediously pull one hundred and forty three bobby pins out of my wife’s hair on our wedding night, I probably should’ve taken that as a sign.
Airport prices are crazy. 5 billion dollars? For an airport?
Sorry, what did you say? I was staring at my ceiling fan wondering what I would do in a scenario where it fell and helicoptered around my house chasing me
My 2-year-old refused to brush her teeth because a towel was in the wrong spot.
I calmly explained to her that the position of the towel didn’t matter and that she needed to brush her teeth no matter what.
Just kidding.
I moved the damn towel.
Genie: Be careful what you wish fo…
Me: God, I wish you’d just shut up already!
Genie:
Me:
Genie:
Me: Shit.
Which essential oil is best for getting people to stop talking to you
I carry a pack of Tums in my pocket in case I run into a hostile plate of jalapeño chili nachos and can’t escape
Someone needs to speak to the graphic designer who came up with this.
My circle of trust is a meatball
If McDonalds sold hot dogs would you be able to (w/ a straight face) order a McWeiner and tell them to supersize it?
PLEASE HELP MY BIOLOGY TEACHER ASKED WHATS THE OPPOSITE OF “DOMINANT” AND I CONFIDENTIALLY ANSWERED “SUBMISSIVE” TO THE WHOLE CLASS
You think you’re in pretty good shape and then you shovel two feet of snow and wake up the next day feeling like you threw yourself off of a skyscraper.
My husband said he wants someone to scare him on Halloween, so I think I’ll tell him I’m starting menopause.