Almost every branch of science has a pseudoscience associated with it: chemistry and alchemy, astronomy and astrology, math and economics…
You Might Also Like
why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra long bathroom break and steal company time instead
so weird how every mom was born today
Been on hold so long I can’t remember who I called. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn’t really narrow it down much.
I want a sandwich in the streets and a sandwich in the sheets.
My hobbies include knitting and leaving one star reviews on recipes when I used different ingredients and different techniqes and it turned out gross.
I’m starting a website called onlyflaps.
It’s for plane enthusiasts.
What were you thinking?
When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on
7yo: *eating granola bar* What are you doing?
Me: Cooking dinner.
7yo: *eating 2nd granola bar* Why?
Me: I have no idea.
Cashier: Will that be all?
Me: No, I have a bunch more stuff to get, I just wanted to show you what I’ve got so far.
3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/KFC gravy
Yes
When I want something a little healthier than an ice cream sandwich, I usually go for an ice cream salad.
Me: I’d like to see your music zebras
Piano salesman: Please don’t, I’ve had a long day
[horror movie in 2169]
The killer creeps up behind the college co-eds and JUST STARTS THROWING GLUTEN EVERYWHERE
[entire audience faints]
Jeff Bezos could afford to buy one large candy bar for every American on Halloween but he doesn’t
Spoil any movie by telling ur friend “Ice Cube dies” before they watch it. They’ll be waiting for Ice Cube to appear and die the whole time
I get all my indisputable political facts from what my uncle Harold posts on Facebook. Like did u know Obama killed the last living unicorn?
Guy on the plane threw a fit about sitting next to my Therapy Scorpion
Yoda: In the Light Side, the real power is.
Luke: The Emperor controls the galaxy. You live in a swamp.
Listen lady, you have 2 options. Either make your baby stop eyeballing me, or she & I can go outside to settle this.
Me: A friend sent me a truly amazing gif the other day.
Husband: Oh really?
Me: Yeah, it was……
Husband: Oh gods, don’t say it……
Me: The gif that keeps on giving.
*Husband leaves room.
Remember that weird kid who ate the batteries in middle school? Well he’s a millionaire now! Just kidding, he died. He ate batteries.
“I love having my toddlers surprise me by joining my shower. Not only is it relaxing and efficient, it’s eco friendly.”
SAID NO MOM EVER
People take air traffic control so seriously. Just have fun with it
*putting 4 to bed*
Me: we’re going to have a better day tomorrow, right?
4: no
Me: I just mean there was too much crying and whining today… so let’s try less crying and whining tomorrow
4: no, I won’t do that
Me:
4:
Me: ok, good talk
4: no
jesus: and take this foot, for it is my lasagna
peter: ok let’s get you home
I had to go to a catholic mass for a funeral and it was the first one I’d been to in a long time and it’s funny the priest gets a bigger communion wafer than everyone else. This is Literally God and I get more of Him than all of you
My tiny pocket in my jeans is actually to put my annual salary
* wishes on shooting star
” the wish you have wished for has already been taken, please try again”
I have a Boo and a Bae. I guess you can say I have Boobaes.