Has anyone tried putting all the Wordle answers together to see if they spell out a warning
You Might Also Like
It’s really telling how society and Hollywood has been producing all sorts of content about others, but almost none about me, personally 🤔
Barista: Hangover?
Me: Motherhood.
Sorry I am late I was lost in a large, particularly labyrinthine sweater
Police found the neighbourhood paedophile shot in the head 27 times. Authorities ruled it the worst case of suicide in a decade.
My Mom has been smelling something burning since 1983.
The water main broke in my hotel which means no water until 3am. This is how the front desk employee broke the news: “You all have 2 flushes left. Make them count.”
I love when parents have to repeat themselves to their kid and they rage enunciate the second time:
dad: do you want a ham sandwich or turkey and cheese?
kid: what
dad: do👏you👏want👏a👏ham👏sandwich👏or👏turkey👏and👏cheese
Them: You look tired.
Me: *punches them in their face* Well, you look injured.
“Where do you see yourself in 5 lives?” (Dalai Lama job interview)
“On second thoughts… I’m not hungry!”
When you said you wanted to show me a stiff one, I had no idea you worked in a morgue.
Guns don’t kill people. Cats don’t sew mittens. Houses don’t crap zebras. Lots of nouns don’t verb other nouns. This isn’t new information.
Why would I want a vehicle that seats 8 people? I don’t even like 8 people.
I’m sorry your tc cheated on you with their spouse, will you please stop writing poems now
[preparing for a date]
me: what if she kisses me
roommate: you kiss her back, bro
me: ok
me: *thinking* but why her back though
I can’t prove it, but from the sound of it, I’m pretty sure there’s an injured dolphin stuck in my dishwasher.
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
interviewer: please, sit down
me: thank you
interviewer: not on my lap
Wife: *glares* “Do you think you’re funny?”
Me: “Yes.”
W:
M:
W:
Me: “I mean no.”
W:
M: “How many guesses do I get?”
HER: i’m leaving u
ME: is it bc u hate ventriloquism
HER: yes
BUNNY: [quietly] don’t let her see u cry
*reads own tweet*
Haha, so relatable
5 year old on the life cycle of humans:
“First you are a baby, then young, then a teenager, then an adult, then old…”Me: Sounds like you have a handle on it
5 yo: “…then caveman, and then rip.”
My turn ons are naps, cereal, and seeing women that are prettier than me trip over cracks in the sidewalk…
my 4yo threw a tantrum because I wouldn’t lock him in a storage bin & reader, I hesitated
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
A guy in line just asked me to hold his coffee and I’m like I’m not looking for anything serious right now.
[Christopher Columbus arriving in Hell]
Columbus: I’m the first person here! I discovered this!
“Hot, lo-cal singles in your area!”
– Diet ads for Cannibals
You do the load of laundry that you have, not the load of laundry that you want.
Interviewer: “Are you proficient with Microsoft Office?”
Interviewee: “Word.”