The holiday season is fast approaching. Let’s celebrate with the Happy Triangle Man. 💩
You Might Also Like
If approached by a bear, you can play dead, or you can acknowledge the bear, say hello, and see what it needs. Have some decency
Phew. After THAT lunch I won’t need afternoon tea haha just kidding pass me that lasagna.
*skydiving with my friend who’s always bragging about being a vegetarian. we pull our ripcords & his parachute deploys but a bunch of lettuce, tomatoes & diced cucumbers fly out of mine. i yell to him as i fall away*
HMM, VERY INTERESTING. SO, SALADS ACTUALLY CAN BE BAD FOR YOU
I said “I’m not going to repeat myself”
Disney movies taught me there’s nothing I can’t accomplish as long as my parents die a brutal untimely death.
I bet dogs at parties get tired of being singled out by socially awkward humans.
Four men having a little fun at an airport 😀
Last night I was walking Bizzy, and a friendly stranger asked how old she was. When I told him, he said: “She don’t walk like she’s 15 though!!!” I…I think he catcalled my dog?
Before going to the dentist I like to eat taffy & pumpkin seeds. It’s makes me feel like I’m getting my money’s worth.
History may repeat itself but a toddler does it better.
Parenting talk translated.
“Come on you’re very tired, you need to get to bed.”
Actually means:
“Come on, I’m very tired, you need to get to bed.”
Today I saw a house that has a little replica of itself on the outside for some reason but THE LITTLE REPLICA ALSO HAS A LITTLE REPLICA WHAT IS THIS
one of my friends has the most absurd amount of charisma i’ve ever seen. we were recording a music video involving fireworks and the cops got called.
he convinced the cop to be in the music video
Relationship status: my period comes more often than I do.
I need a pain relieving patch that covers my whole body
the word: Mildew
my brain: Mother In Law Dew
Dating isn’t easy when you’re married.
no one:
my brain:
key largo montego
olivia rodrigo
*First Date*
Her: I was worried you might be a convicted serial killer. LOL
Me; HaHa, LOL. No, I was never convicted.
They always say “Take it one day at a time.” Like two is an option….
A friend was talking about her cat bringing her another dead mouse and my ADHD brain did a side quest imagining my snake calling a cat for Door Dash.
Just saw that french fries, sugar, and coffee speed up the aging process, so my age right now is 172.
Anyone want to do the laundry for me? Im exhausted. I can pay you in beanie babies or hot monkey sex.
The monkey’s name is Earl. He bites.
ALIEN:*points at Chihuahua* whats that?
ME: a dog
ALIEN:*points at Husky* whats that?
ME: dog
ALIEN:*getting angry, points at Pug* whats THA
Me: Are those fries seasoned?
Waiter: They’ve seen a few things.
My three year old walked into the garage while I was working out yesterday and I may need to rethink my playlist because today he’s telling everyone that “anacondas love honey buns”.
A cheese so sharp you have to hand it to people backwards.
No thanks, newborn babies of literally any species on planet Earth.
Come back when you’re less pink & rubbery & can loan me thirty dollars.
In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”