dough: a bread, an uncooked bread
ray: of sun that cooks the bread
me: a gal who eats the bread
fa: ther also eats the bread
so: da bread’s a kind of bread
la: vash is another bread
tea: a drink. anyway, bread!
that will bring us back to dough
You Might Also Like
My mother doesn’t believe in expiration dates, she’s on day 3 of believing in food poisoning.
SON: I was awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge at school
ME: What’s that?
SON: A big building with lots of kids
coworker: how was your weekend?
me: sucked, I had to move
coworker: you sold your house?
me: no, my wife made me get off the couch
The husband came home from work, handed me a package and said “I bought you a new toilet seat.”
I took the package and said “yay!” without sarcasm.Sincerely,
18 years of marriage.
*grabs man in NASA coat*
No, you don’t understand! He’s a werewolf! A werewolf astronaut! LISTEN TO ME, THE MOON IS ALWAYS FULL UP THERE!
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
Them: Why are you single?
Me: *flashes back to the time I went out with a really tall guy and couldn’t stop laughing because I could see up his nose* It’s a mystery, really.
Nights in white satin, but it’s me falling off the bed again
Friend: What’s it like having kids?
Me: *crushes cracker and sneezes it into their face*
A big bug flew down my throat during my run this morning so [buys treadmill]
That show “Catfish” should just be called “People Who Have Never Heard of Google.”
DOG 911: What’s ur emer-
DOG: IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE
DOG 911: so?
DOG: MY HUMAN SAID SOMEONE’S COMING IN THE HOUSE THROUGH THE CHIMNEY TONIGHT
DOG 911: OMG
DOG: OMG
My husband ordered a hearing aid off of Amazon. I’m so screwed you guys.
My mom always said I would be great at something…..who knew it would be at bad decisions
For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.
Dinner: I BIT THE INSIDE OF MY MOUTH! IT WILL NEVER HEAL! NOTHING WILL EVER BE RIGHT AGAIN!
Next morning: Oh, OK.
Satanic ritual canceled. The goats keeps eating the sacred parchment paper.
you ever think about how “welp” is just the modern English version of “alas”
I fill the pantry with healthy snacks and then get mad when we don’t have any junk food in the house.
This TikTok trend might be my favorite so far
The average parent spends roughly 2.7 years of their life picking up crayons from under restaurant tables.
Some people are hope, some people are nope.
Choose wisely.
Thinking about the time a professor commented ‘please justify in the final version’ on my draft and I spent around a 1000 words justifying what I wrote but turns out all she wanted was for me to justify the text alignment 😭
Remember that tiny bit of constructive feedback that you went out of your way to specifically tell me not to take personally? You’re not gonna believe this.
Ladies, if you don’t want to answer a question from a guy, say, “I already TOLD you. You never listen.”
We have no idea if you’re lying.
Boss: Stop copy and pasting responses from previous emails
Me: sounds good
Sent from my iPhone
Sent from my iPhone
When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?
[throws salad into a garden]
Go home boy…you’re free now.
Do ghosts call their girlfriends “boo”? Bet all that gets pretty confusing.
Awwwww shit.