It’s called a sports bra bc the actual sport is trying to get it off oneself after a hard workout.
You Might Also Like
ACTORS’ TIP: can’t afford headshots? run a red light and use the photo they mail you. as a bonus you can add “driving stunts” to your resume
[spelling bee]
Your word is ‘arrogance’
“Can you use it in a sentence?”
Of course I can, don’t be stupid
to be Frank, i would have to change my name.
me: sorry I called out my ex’s name just now
woman: three times though?
bloody mary: ew, am I on the ceiling
I’ll wear a neckerchief but I’m not calling it that.
If you get a call from a telemarketer, give the phone to a child and tell them it’s #Santa.
Enough with the movies already. We get it. You’re an actor.
The craziest moment in my life was when my daughter was born. The second craziest was when they made us leave the hospital with her two days later, like we knew what we were doing
Ain’t no way
Person: how does writing work?
Writer: well you type & you delete. You rethink. Then you do 187 min of research & correct it. You reread & wonder if you have a grasp of English. Then you revise
Person: then you’re done with the book?
Writer: then you move to the next sentence
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang – So I shot him..
I don’t trust anyone who bikes to work for reasons other than a DUI
I totally understand how “please leave your brother alone” can be interpreted as “throw toys at him.” It’s just common sense.
So bored I just logged into my LinkedIn account.
I don’t understand people in the entertainment industry who have affairs with their manager. I feel like all my managers’ texts would just be them telling me it’s not a great market for sex at the moment
50 shades of grey = my Liver
I should do laundry naked so all my clothes could be clean at the same time.
Fries, not lies.
Apparently ‘gravy’ is not an acceptable answer to the question, “What would you like to drink with your meal?”.
waiting for the right context to watch oppenheimer (about 5 years from now on a 8 inch screen in an intercontinental flight)
Caught the neighbor kid teasing my dog, so his mom told me to yell at him any time I like.
I had a bad day, I’m gonna go see if he’s home.
WARDEN: Any final words before you’re hung?
ME: How many of these have you done? It’s hanged, you idiot.
WARDEN: *just shoots me*
Had a dream Andrew Garfield & I were being chased & he started rubbing sand on my arm & I was like, “why?” And he was all, “it’ll help mate” but he was only rubbing one arm & then I woke up to my cat aggressively licking that arm cause he was hungry
I’ve been texting with “Isla’s mom” for 3 years. When is a good time to ask her her name?
I bring my own pen into the bank because I don’t need any god dammed chains telling me where I can and cannot write
People who say “I hate to bother you” need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
We’ve replaced my roommate’s Sour Cream Pringles with a colony of wasps I’ve been antagonizing for a month. Let’s see if he notices.
Listen son, you know how you find an awesome song & you listen to it over and over again until you hate it? Well, I’m leaving your mother.
Me: “Another day, another dollar.”
My boss: “Please don’t discuss your salary in front of co-workers.”
the best advice i ever received was from george costanza when he said that if you look annoyed people think you’re busy