@Marlebean
@OhNoSheTwitnt “You know, the average woman does it at least 8 times a year in her sleep.” -Peter Parker attempting to convince Mary Jane to swallow
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@OhNoSheTwitnt 
@Fulkery1 I’m a staunch supporter of something, I’m not sure what that is, yet. I just wanted to be staunch today.
@Wakenbake77 Accidentally walked into the women’s bathroom, went ahead and peed sitting down so it wouldn’t be awkward for anyone.
@bridger_w I wish there was enough room on TV for another show called Judge Judy, but where people just stood around criticizing a woman named Judy.
@BriEsquire Met a man named Drew like 3 days ago. We exchanged numbers. This morning I woke up in a group chat, started by his alleged wife, with 8 other women. It’s been comedy and chaos ever since 😂.
@TrueTorontoGirl Cashier: Smile!
Me: Worry about your own face.
@alispagnola What if Baby Shark was by Lady Gaga? 🦈⚡️
@TheCiscoKidder I have a dog to make sure that the noises in the middle of the night are nothing serious and I have a cat to make those noises.
@TheHyyyype [being strapped to a medieval torture table]
“tbh not what I thought you meant when you said you were going to show me a nice rack”
@CoreyKeyz You got 30 minutes to text me back or I’m breaking into your house & responding to myself.