@deephora_
@bite_it_harder My ex-wife told me to go to hell. She’s fuckin crazy if she thinks I marry her again!
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@bite_it_harder 
@MoistPork You’re a cunt. Maybe that’s why you’re alone.
@poutinesmoothie I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way.
@OakHill_ That tweet is awesome. You guys are awesome. Twitter is awesome. I’ve made awesome friends on Twitter. A thesaurus would be awesome.
@oldfriend99 The Queen is crazy if she thinks I’m going to wait until February
@NotthatAdamWest Saw a bumper sticker that said ‘Jesus is the answer.’ Two cars later I saw one that said ‘Who farted?’ Best game of Highway Jeopardy ever.
@BaconBeefStrip Hey America! Flip a coin and elect an idiot already. You’ll hate him either way and I just want my friends back.
@English_Channel when you’re a gargoyle but also afraid of heights
@MadHatterMommy Hell hath no fury like a kid watching his friend sporting the same toy he broke a while ago
@Jenny4ashley Who cares if you break a damn mirror. If you think 7 years of bad luck is hell, try breaking a condom.