@timdonakowski
@Smooheed Smells like a challenge to me
You Might Also Like
@Smooheed 
@dlicj flight attendant: as u can see the captain has turned on the no murdering sign
[guy next to me is still murdering someone]
me: um excuse me
@dulcetry You don’t need to write “imo”. Nobody is confusing your tweets with Nietzsche.
@Mister_Veritas [first day in the mob]
*leans over to mafioso* Hey, so, uhh, I’ve always wondered: are they all just named “Don” or…
@Savage_Scavange Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
@SirEviscerate Heads, you give me your phone number, tails you go on a date with me.
*flips coin into ceiling fan, it’s knocked out a window into the sea*
@causticbob goldfish mafia
@TwistdidMind I just accidentally swallowed a whole bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell disaster.
@ilovepie84 What helps a pedophile walk and do his job?
A Candy Cane.
@RAFtailgunner A cute bank teller told me he wanted to make love to me in the vault. He’s kinky, but at least he’s into safe sex.