It’s called crossfit because you’re really mad that you’re doing it
[ Anything I buy from now until Christmas, I consider it a gift… ]
Kids! Close your eyes and hold out your hands!
You Might Also Like
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
Another Twilight movie?God I hope Abraham Lincoln shows up and slays every last one of them.
At this point my only chance at getting thinner is going to a paint store.
Last night, I was running from Justin Bieber-head polygamist in Utah-who demanded that I become his 4th wife.
I’m not taking any Benadryl tonight
PHARAOH: we shall build religious monuments. they will baffle future science.
SUBJECT: should we leave them a note to explain how we did it?
PHARAOH: yes, take this down
PHARAOH: cat, dog, snake, bird, cat, man with the head of a cat, dog, cat, bird
If you’re about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy.
doctors won’t tell you this but reattaching a limb isn’t that hard what’s hard is getting it to stay after it’s had a taste of freedom
You left a note on the fridge saying “This isn’t working. Goodbye” but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don’t get it.
Yeah but how many of you can say you’ve managed to get your head stuck in the strings of a piano