@BabouDali FOUR RULES FOR DATING MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER:
1) get her home by 11 p.m.
2) so we can chill
3) i have mario party
4) be my friend
@meganamram Don’t have money for a cab so I keep calling ambulances and telling them I feel better when I’m close to my destination
You Might Also Like
@BabouDali 
@ImajicAnne Remember: It’s not stalking if you don’t see me.
@SteveDutzy If she shovels shit at the local zoo, then she’s a keeper
@danjan13 Good guy in movie shot 3 times: I must save my family
Me, kinda sore from trampoline sesh: sorry gramma can’t make it to your 85th bday
@ka_waltz anti-tattoo people saying “my body’s a temple” like they wouldn’t worship at a temple that had an enormous mural of a tiger fighting a cobra
@DanMentos John: we need a new word for foolishness
Tom: How about johnfoolery lol
John: Ok that’s definitely what I’m writing down
@SCbchbum Don’t bother giving kids a hard time for saying lol while they’re speaking if you came from an era when hardy-har-har was a thing.
@daemonic3 JESUS: I shall turn water to wine
JUDAS: Actually wine is 85% water so that’s only 15% miracle
JESUS: This is literally the WORST betrayal
@thisislizz Things would be so much simpler if everything was as easy as your mom.
@TheMichaelMoran Don’t look at this picture. You will have nothing but questions:
