Someday a baby’s first words will be “Please take this Ramones shirt off of me, I don’t like their music and this shirt implies that I’m a fan”
Game of Thrones, at its core, has always been a show about how much it sucks to be a horse
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Fight Club, but instead of blowing up all the financial institutions, they reset all twitter follower counts back to zero.
Whenever I am with my family and someone says, “Wow, you have a beautiful family!” I reply, “Well, we left the ugly ones at home.”
Why do some wine bottles wear fishnet tights?
Before emjois i had to end texts to my girlfriends with “two girls holding hands* heart* kissy face* glass of wine* nail polish* red lips.”
RT if you know someone like this!!!
The first rule of Thesaurus Club is, you don’t talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, chin wag, natter or chat about Thesaurus Club.
I always cary a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say, “I like your haircut”, I can respond with, “Thanks. Here, have some.”
Enrages me when I see guys using cute dogs to pick up chicks. It’s like, why did I have kids.
“What’s the worst thing that could happen?” isn’t supposed to be a challenge.