Has anyone else noticed when time travelers grab you buy your shoulders and ask what year it is and you tell them, they don’t reply, “then I’m not too late” anymore?
That’s kind of worrying.
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My wife has a “work husband” so I’m having him come over to load the dishwasher and get yelled at for doing it wrong
‘I HATE drama!’ -Dramatic people
Her: Show me your pics
Me: Ok*blackberry restarts*
*waiting*
*gets married*
*have kids*Son: Dad, your phone finished restarting
*dies*
Welcome to Backhanded Compliment Club, it’s so nice to meet people who don’t care how they look
the composer
The recipe blogs that have the “jump to recipe” button are the real winners
I posted happy birthday bunny to my husband on Instagram. I’ve never actually called him bunny, but I didn’t have my glasses on and it was early in the morning and I meant to say baby and anyway, he’s bunny now. Forever.
“So what do you do?”
I’m a wordsmith
“A what?”
A writer. I deal with words. How about you?
“Oh I’m a uh… weedsmith”
This Independence Day please remember that fireworks are not a toy, they are meant to be aimed at the nearest British ship.
