@sixthformpoet A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
@noog Her: Do you wanna do it?
Me: Do what?
Her: It.
Me: What’s it?
Her: You know… It.
Me: Oh… I call first player.
Her: Wait, what?
You Might Also Like
@sixthformpoet 
@JimmerThatisAll Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.
@1Happytwit Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
@PS_IRuddYou Tried to text “playa” but it changed it to “player”
I must have the white iPhone.
@JimGaffigan “How about a month filled with stress and obligation?” – Pitch for December
@SandyDanto Oh, you didn’t have any taste before Covid either, honey
@LeonEarlgrey Everytime a suburban white kid throws up a gang sign, an angel misses brunch.
@JustMug “That looks interesting. I think I’ll eat it.” – Sharks and Toddlers
@TheFirstDudish People who say I tend to give up too fast on things should- eh, know what, never mind.
@slimmy_shady You people that are getting laid regularly either need to keep that stuff to yourselves or be more descriptive.