Him: which of these two fanny packs is better?
Him: you can say neither
Me: oh thank goodness!

You Might Also Like


You should never go grocery shopping when you’re hungry and never go clothes shopping when you’re naked.


Two mushrooms in a forest.

One says: “Hi, how are you?”

The other replies: “Shut up, mushrooms can’t talk!”

#RubbishJokes #WednesdayVibe


[1st Day after wildebeests take over]
I’m safe in my house
[Day 7]
Thought I heard clattering
[Day 21]


<at a baptism>

*leans over*

Me:What’s the WiFi password?
Him:Jesus Christ, dude!
Me:That makes sense….is it case sensitive?


[rap battle]
[my opponent attempts to drop the mic, but I stealthily tied it to his finger so it just comes back up like a yo-yo]


Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.


Losing weight

– fit into fashionable clothes
– less chub rub
– can be picked up & carried

– fit into beauty standards
– less likely that thighs will merge into eachother and become a mermaid tail
– can be picked up & carried


Call me old fashioned, but I think any woman that can open the lid of a jar by herself is a witch.


I’m banned from Church ever since I yelled “fake news” one too many times.


[nudging the person next to me on the bus until they remove their earbuds]
hey i think i saw a horse a couple miles back