I like to sneak a donut into the salad bar so everyone will ask, “WAIT, THERE’S DONUTS?” and I say, “Sorry, last one!” and then eat it.

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I think the real life lesson Darth Vader tries to teach us is having children can ruin your life


My boss accused me of being overly dramatic, I lamented in a soliloquy as I threw myself across the desk in feigned shock


I’m only going to have two glasses of wine tonight

~ refills 32 oz tumbler


“I’m married to a raving lunatic.”
– Actual quote from my husband, yesterday, confiding in our neighbor’s golden retreiver.

Joke’s on him. That dog tells me everything.


In a hotel room. The dog’s growling and whimpering. My wife’s worried the neighbours will think we’re having sex.


Your boss will respect you more if you sometimes disagree, especially if you touch their face and say “You silly goose.”