I wear a cape because I’m Super Broke

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You’re a guy, therefore you can’t “hehehehe”.


Good news class—you are exactly 9 years old, so from here on out, we’ll exclusively be reading books where the dog dies.


Sorry, but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin.


1) Throw a ball of yarn into a fencing battle 2) Wait until the fight is over 3) Retrieve your fully-knitted sweater


Meet me in the bedroom.. bring the gravy boat.

Don’t make this weird…


1. Pick jeans to wear
2. Pull them up to thighs
3. Pants dance for 3 minutes
4. Take pants off
5. Put sweatpants on
6. Cry, eat pumpkin pie


Just bought a 2013 calender, a rope and a stool. I like to keep the store clerk guessing.