@Voiceofgarth

I’m not gay but I support their “agenda” – working, having a family, living in safety and fair, equal treatment.
Pretty radical shit.

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@JennyJohnsonHi5

Guess who doesn’t want to hear your kid sing? Everyone. The answer is everyone, so stop it.

@weinerdog4life

All I’m saying is if I’m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.

@CandyEmpires

Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.

@ManJuggs

I think I finally found your G-Spot. It’s been in my wallet the whole time.

@JimmerThatisAll

Just because you have boobs doesn’t mean you’re better than I am. Unless you’re a woman.

@NickMotown

I’m sure there’ll be some making distasteful jokes about Williams’ death. How annoying for them that he would have thought of funnier ones.

@TheNaique

Every time a magician graduates from his school and throws his hat in the air at the convocation, PETA sues him for cruelty to rabbits.

@designersays

If I show you a picture on my phone and you start scrolling, I’m gonna stab you.

@legsandsass

Dog pissed about wearing cone after surgery. Dog spends night banging cone against walls, keeping human awake.
Dog-1
Human-0