Guess who doesn’t want to hear your kid sing? Everyone. The answer is everyone, so stop it.
I’m not gay but I support their “agenda” – working, having a family, living in safety and fair, equal treatment.
Pretty radical shit.
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Define “no more Twitter or I will leave you.”
All I’m saying is if I’m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
I think I finally found your G-Spot. It’s been in my wallet the whole time.
Just because you have boobs doesn’t mean you’re better than I am. Unless you’re a woman.
I’m sure there’ll be some making distasteful jokes about Williams’ death. How annoying for them that he would have thought of funnier ones.
Every time a magician graduates from his school and throws his hat in the air at the convocation, PETA sues him for cruelty to rabbits.
If I show you a picture on my phone and you start scrolling, I’m gonna stab you.
Dog pissed about wearing cone after surgery. Dog spends night banging cone against walls, keeping human awake.