Dad passed away several years ago but every Thanksgiving with the family all together I can’t help but think, you lucky bastard.
Ima weiner. Damn I meant winer. Dammit I’m a winner. Hucked on fonics it made me look like an moroon.
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No, whenever there’s trouble YOU seem to be around…officer.
Top 5 oxymorons:
1. Jumbo shrimp
2. Civil war
3. Virtual reality
4. Great outdoors
5. Family vacation
Out of the blue, HR forced us all to review our workplace sexual harassment training.
The office holiday party is next week.
Who died and made you king? Oh the king before you died. Well that makes sen- Oh he was your father. Well then I’m very sorry for your loss.
When a girl tells u about her favorite animal – “I’d eat one” is not the right response.
The irony of the gay pride flag is that it clashes with everything.
If you watch Wall-E backwards its about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people.
You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting someone crazy here!
Of course, if you’re swinging a dead cat you probably shouldn’t be so judgy.
My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house.