It’s 2021. Why is this still a thing.

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You know that episode of Friends where Joey tries to speak French? That’s what I hear when watching the State of the Union Address


Give a man a fish and he’ll go to McDonald’s instead.

Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald’s


Wouldn’t that be a cool twist if World War 3 turned out to be a U.S.-Russia thing after all? “So retro!”, you’d think as you were vaporized.


As long as you’re good at blending in, you can be part of Brad and Angelina’s family too.


People with stick figure families on their car: Oh look how cute we are!
Criminals: I’ll need 3 rolls of duct tape.


Tampax needs to extend the string to 2ft so I can hang myself with it every month.


Been coming here every day for six years and I’m starting to lose hope.


Shout out to one of my friends who went to ice her Xmas cake & discovered a very happy boozy mouse in the tin 😂


The coolest part of the Bible is where one couple somehow populates the world by having kids from every race and ethnicity.


It was nice of Microsoft to put their name on Excel after satan created it.