Just posted missing flyers of my cheeseburger all around the neighborhood. So far, no cheeseburger. It’s as if people don’t even care.

You Might Also Like


I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.


Alcohol because no great conversation ever started over a salad !


The gardener at my work put beer in the garden to catch slugs


I’m slightly concerned my answer for everything is masturbation. Can’t sleep? Masturbate. Poor? Masturbate. Lost the remote? Go for it.


hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it’s over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it


My kids used to love the voice characters I’ve created while reading their favorite bedtime stories.

My wife during our sexy time does not.


I’m the sort of person you can bring home to meet your parents, if you’re looking to be written out of their will.


My kid asked me where babies came from and I was like “Dude, ask your Mom. I still can’t figure out why Garfield talks and Odie doesn’t.”


Animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming.
Like the night before the last earthquake,our dog took the car keys and drove off