Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper.
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I can almost always tell if a movie doesn’t use real dinosaurs
*wakes up in the belly of a whale*
me: this can’t be happening again
morgan freeman: but it was, he was in the belly of a whale again
Sorry I referred to your one-night-stand as “the nakey mistakey”.
Girls want a bad boy to fix.
Boys want a good girl to corrupt.
Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.
No YOU tried to pet the albino skunk that wandered up from the woods.
Related: Never go outside w/out contacts and YES I need a shower.
Mom was a minute late serving dinner. Again. I nearly starved.
~dog’s log, August 2nd, 2021
I love my husband so much that I have a picture of his credit card on my home screen.
Enough with the fist bumping. I never understand what is happening. This time I held my hands open because I thought he was giving me M&Ms
Damn I just accidentally punched myself in the face while removing a bralette! That will teach me
“Subpar accommodations. One star.” – Oldest known TripAdvisor rating for Bethlehem.