@mellimelle
@Mirimade If I’ve already used “For sure”, “Right?”, “No kidding” and “Seriously”, your story has gone on too long. I am out of responses.
You Might Also Like
@Mirimade 
@NicCageMatch Hey, the 1700’s called, they said please invent telephones.
@mstern68 Public bathrooms are why parkour was invented.
@Sohail__300 Everyone talks about finding the one that makes their heart skip a beat. Personally I’m not looking to develop a heart problem
@Reverend_Scott Call me old fashioned, but I think any woman that can open the lid of a jar by herself is a witch.
@GabbbarSingh Your greatness is measured by the font-size of your obituary. #AlsoNotoriety
@chuuew As the zombies swarm, I ask for one last selfie. By the time they realise their dead flesh won’t activate the touch screen, I’m long gone.
@clichedout [getting murdered]
me: are u Scottish
murderer: yes
me: then u could say i’m being kilt
[murdering intensifies]
@Dani_Feld Me: Table for one, please.
Waiter: Would you like to see the men–
Me: YES.
@KLBChicken Hell hath no fury like a pizza pocket that hasn’t had proper cooling time.