Math teacher; suppose you have five friends


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I have, a really beautiful body

under my floor boards


Blackberry users thought of making a joke abt the Apple-Samsung battle, but before they cud tweet thr phone hanged n battery drained out


You can’t give me a mini fan at work and expect me not to spend the whole morning pretending I’m a model doing a photo shoot. It’s science.


No, autocorrect. I don’t want a shipload of marijua…actually, ya that’s fine.


You know you’re an Alcoholic when you can’t even say the word “sober” without making air quotes


Things will never get better until you make the conscious decision to lower your standards.


My 11 year old dumped his girlfriend because she was too “sassy.”

So I’m guessing my days are numbered.