@SheMightHave

Oh, the other kind of staff meeting.

*Gets dressed.

You Might Also Like

@markydoodoo

Go suck an egg. Lick a mango. Breathe on an avocado. Make everyone at the grocery store uncomfortable.

@iAmDelFreaky

Axl Rose: Where do we go?

Me: Left

Axl: Where do we go now?

Me: Straight.

Axl: Oh, where do we go now?

Me: Damn it, Axl, let me drive!

@cloudypianos

me: I want to travel to the victorian era & meet a real gentleman [takes time machine back to 1860 England]
man: 31? what are u my grandma?

@VerifiedDrunk

I set my alarm clock 15 minutes fast because I enjoy doing math problems first thing in the morning,

@curlycomedy

I miss the days of Agatha Christie when rich people only murdered each other.

@clichedout

HER: i love bad boys

ME: [trying to impress] my mom thinks i’m in bed

@ArfMeasures

Cop: Are you high?

Me *riding an ostrich* holy shit I hope so

@causticbob

GF: “I’m telling you now! Size does not matter, it doesn’t make you any less important.”

BF: “Yeah? Well explain that to Pluto.”

@Cheetoe4

My black cat just ate my four leaf clover. That can’t be good…….