@Reverend_Scott [kisses daughter goodnight]
Sleep tight.“Daddy, where do babies come from?”
Amazon.
“Why’s it take 9 months?”
Shipping. Go to sleep.
@OBiiieeee one time my dad walked in on me smoking an E cig and made me eat a whole pack of batteries
You Might Also Like
@Reverend_Scott 
@awsten LASAGNA IS ONE OF THE WORST SPELLED WORDS THAT SHIT IS ABSOLUTELY PREPOSTEROUS, SHOULD BE LASONYA BUT UR ALL SCARED TO TALK ABOUT IT, SCARED OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN
@ShortSleeveSuit My son just asked me “what’s an integer?” like I’m some sort of astrophysicist
@ninjadinosaur1 No, I don’t want to hang out at your house. Your pot to snacks ratio is all off.
@MadHatterMommy Me: You want to explain to me your presentation before you do it in class?
Kid: No mumma it will take too long for you to understand.
@daemonic3 WIFE: I can’t take your immaturity. Sign these divorce papers
ME:
WIFE:
ME:
WIFE: Fine! You win. “Simon says” sign these divorce papers
@ThatMummyLife Croc store. Rooster walks in.
Salesman: How may I help you?
Rooster: A Croc or two will do.
@WritePlay *Dino-Jesus preaching to the dinosaurs*
“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”
*Asteroid crushes Earth*
“Dammit Dad.”
@LoveNLunchmeat [watching basketball]
I bet these guys all have really big *husband stares at me* feet.
And that’s how you get him to turn off the game.
@rn_murse A Japanese game show where you have to run through a room full of hungry German Shepherds holding your boyfriend’s mom’s cat.