PitbullPhobia: An extreme or irrational fear of singing alone.

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“I like your tree’s earring.”
“That’s a tire swing.”


I have a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you think I’m sexy!” Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!


What’s with hiking? Leave nature alone, weirdos.


Pregnancy tests make me wish peeing on things answered more questions.


Him: Did you eat the last s’more?
Me: No.
Him: You’re lying.
Me: How do you know?
Him: Your pants are literally on fire.


i dont think any of the wikihow artists have seen a dog in real life


My kids can’t play at your house because they might begin to think laundry doesn’t live on the couch.


Mom told me to quit calling the postman a mail escort.