I marched in a high school band, caught an armed robber, and sold girl scout cookies. All I was trying to do was find my car.
*pours a shaker of salt into the ocean*
You’re free now
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MUFASA: Everything the light touches is our kingdom.
ME: What about shadows or when it’s cloudy?
MUFASA: *Sigh* Wh…why are you like this?
A decepticon is a just a cheeky emoticon at the end of a message intended to excuse the sender and confuse the recipient.
Ex: Please die 😉
This orange juice says shake well before drinking.
*shakes juice and puts back in fridge then opens beer
STOP WHINING KIDS! If mommy wants to listen to a bunch of people whining for no reason, she’ll log into twitter.
What am I gonna do with a river?
Could you cry me a beer?
If you go to an animal shelter and ask for a cat, they get really upset if you play them like a guitar and scream ROCK YOU LIKE A FURRICANE.
You can’t stop yourself
If I say this is a haiku
You’ll count syllables
Saw a deer on my bike but didn’t have my phone to take a pic. Hopefully one day he will return my bike tho
*leads horse to water*
“You’re not gonna drink, are you?”
“It’s The Fountain of Eternal Youth.”
Horse: You’re not foaling me.