@amburgklur

Pretty unfair how gargoyles just monopolized rooftop perches.

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@JennyJohnsonHi5

If there was an Oscar category for ‘Best Female Taking An Imaginary Phone Call So She Could Hang Up With Her Mom’ I’d win that shit all day.

@ilovepie84

If I were British I would carry around a monicle and drop it whenever I was horrified

@trevso_electric

It’s summer. We’re young. Let’s sneak into someone else’s pool and skinnydip. If we get caught, we stab them and assume their identities.

@TinaMav

We are the people our parents warned us about.

@MavenofHonor

[i read a pun]
me: ugh, no

[i make a pun]
me: BEHOLD THE ARTISTRY

@Ideal_Victoria

I’m at my most ninja when slipping on my seat belt as a cop car pulls up beside me.

@bazecraze

Neil Patrick Harris couldn’t host a tapeworm without a musical number. #Emmys

@JohnRMoffitt

That moment at the flea market, when you realize you’re looking at a vampire killing kit.