@amburgklur
@JennyJohnsonHi5 If there was an Oscar category for ‘Best Female Taking An Imaginary Phone Call So She Could Hang Up With Her Mom’ I’d win that shit all day.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5 
@ilovepie84 If I were British I would carry around a monicle and drop it whenever I was horrified
@trevso_electric It’s summer. We’re young. Let’s sneak into someone else’s pool and skinnydip. If we get caught, we stab them and assume their identities.
@TinaMav We are the people our parents warned us about.
@XplodingUnicorn Donald Trump only wears a toupee to hide Lord Voldemort.
@MavenofHonor [i read a pun]
me: ugh, no[i make a pun]
me: BEHOLD THE ARTISTRY
@Ideal_Victoria I’m at my most ninja when slipping on my seat belt as a cop car pulls up beside me.
@bazecraze Neil Patrick Harris couldn’t host a tapeworm without a musical number. #Emmys
@human_not_bees Teach your children to beatbox
@JohnRMoffitt That moment at the flea market, when you realize you’re looking at a vampire killing kit.
