Pretty unfair how gargoyles just monopolized rooftop perches.

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If there was an Oscar category for ‘Best Female Taking An Imaginary Phone Call So She Could Hang Up With Her Mom’ I’d win that shit all day.


If I were British I would carry around a monicle and drop it whenever I was horrified


It’s summer. We’re young. Let’s sneak into someone else’s pool and skinnydip. If we get caught, we stab them and assume their identities.


We are the people our parents warned us about.


[i read a pun]
me: ugh, no

[i make a pun]


I’m at my most ninja when slipping on my seat belt as a cop car pulls up beside me.


Neil Patrick Harris couldn’t host a tapeworm without a musical number. #Emmys


That moment at the flea market, when you realize you’re looking at a vampire killing kit.