@CandyEmpires
@GageBoston Apparently the hardest part of exercising is keeping that shit to yourself.
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@GageBoston 
@DocBrown21 My next tattoo will be “helvetica” written in Arial. When a woman corrects me on it, I will marry her
@Retacof Took the man to get his hearing aids fixed today. Still deciding if it was a smart move. Don’t touch my radio.
@deephora_ I carry a knife whenever I’m running late to work because that’s what Counterstrike taught me: “You always run faster with a knife”.
@9GAG Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman.. Then be Batman.
@Not_From_Troy My new diet consists in killing anyone who tells me I’m fat.
@ilovepie84 “This is all water! Now that was misleading”
-Pedophile who found the fountain of youth.
@gavinprobably My girlfriend just explained to me that people can’t actually go through black holes, and now I don’t really care about space anymore.
@UnFitz Do Flat Earthers also believe the sun and moon are flat?
Like, is the entire solar system just a mismatched collection of space dinner plates?
@HeatherLuvsYou A foreign kid asked me how to speak English the other day, so I teached him some.