@sucittaM

Tell the guy at the first drive-thru window that you want the guy at the second window to throw your food into the car without you stopping.

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@AsgardianRose

In third grade a boy gave me a valentine that said “You’re the Obi Wan for me” and that’s the highlight of my entire dating experience.

@Book_Krazy

I just found out that all the different colors in Fruit Loops are the same flavor, and now I don’t know what’s real anymore

@Elifcello

My resolution this year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.

@OhNoSheTwitnt

Social media is great. Before Facebook I’d never know what the girl who wrote “dirty Jew” on my 8th grade locker was thankful for this year.

@adult_mom

[me as an uber driver]

yeah I have a degree but this way I can also make crying in my car profitable

@GingerAtLaw

No no, I’m not going to pay for these hot wings, I discovered them and you JUST GOT COLUMBUSED

@silent_musings

Next time you see someone you don’t like, begin conversation with “I see the assassins have failed.”

@shutupmikeginn

While you guys were wasting your time talking about politics I got banned from the Yahoo Answers ‘Horse’ section

@VikingBut

I told a guy on MySpace 16 years ago I would brb. I. Never. Brb’d.

@jwoodham

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ve got 5 more rounds in the chamber. You’ll get that moon eventually. He’ll pay for what he did.