@AsgardianRose In third grade a boy gave me a valentine that said “You’re the Obi Wan for me” and that’s the highlight of my entire dating experience.
@sucittaM Tell the guy at the first drive-thru window that you want the guy at the second window to throw your food into the car without you stopping.
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@AsgardianRose 
@Book_Krazy I just found out that all the different colors in Fruit Loops are the same flavor, and now I don’t know what’s real anymore
@Elifcello My resolution this year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
@OhNoSheTwitnt Social media is great. Before Facebook I’d never know what the girl who wrote “dirty Jew” on my 8th grade locker was thankful for this year.
@adult_mom [me as an uber driver]
yeah I have a degree but this way I can also make crying in my car profitable
@GingerAtLaw No no, I’m not going to pay for these hot wings, I discovered them and you JUST GOT COLUMBUSED
@silent_musings Next time you see someone you don’t like, begin conversation with “I see the assassins have failed.”
@shutupmikeginn While you guys were wasting your time talking about politics I got banned from the Yahoo Answers ‘Horse’ section
@VikingBut I told a guy on MySpace 16 years ago I would brb. I. Never. Brb’d.
@jwoodham Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ve got 5 more rounds in the chamber. You’ll get that moon eventually. He’ll pay for what he did.