@isaiah_bb
@tastefactory JOB INTERVIEWER: So what are your biggest weaknesses?
HE-MAN: Well, I-
*job interviewer’s fake mustache falls off and it’s Skeletor*
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@tastefactory 
@pmclellan Despite my rock and roll lifestyle, I’m pretty sure I’m going to die via punctured gums from a tortilla chip.
@wolfpupy why dont they ever have plagues of endangered animals, like a plague of panda bears. oh no our entire bamboo crop is gone haha
@LuvPug My boss called in sick of me
@HughGoesThere Writer: Got this great idea for a movie… “102 Dalmations.”
Walt Disney: That’s way too many dalmations.
@Kendragarden Your husband’s super cute, is he single?
@shatty48 Now that I’ve removed my windshield wipers I shouldn’t be getting anymore parking tickets.
@ilovepie84 Why does the crematorium sound so delicious?
@petemandik If someone tells you they don’t like some particular word, do not torment them with it. To do so is totally moist.
@PlopWaffle Executioner : Due to the power-cut we’ll be using the acoustic chair.