@Marcmywords2 Drugs CAN make your life
miserable but if you wanna
leave no room for error,
try a Marriage Certificate.
@BustaFreak98 *travels back in time to kill Hitler as a baby* *becomes known as time-traveling baby murderer & history’s greatest monster*
You Might Also Like
@Marcmywords2 
@cessperience If you can’t beat them, try again when they’re sleeping.
@alfageeek Wife: We don’t have anything planned today…
Me: Cool!
Wife: …so I was thinking we should…
Me: (dammit)
@monks_19 If McDonalds sold hot dogs would you be able to (w/ a straight face) order a McWeiner and tell them to supersize it?
@samalmightysam It’s not karma, you’re just an idiot.
@rn_murse shit! I’m going to be hairy late!!!!
@TheRealPalMal Friend: Good for you for working out.
Me: I said I done squat today.
@HatfieldAnne A smart car easily passes my Jeep on a hill. “Hey, that’s not right” yells a jogger, who also easily passes my Jeep on a hill.
@TheAdly All the good ones are taken.
All the funny ones are fat.
All the smart ones are ugly.All the ones with all of the above are fictional.
@attah_akor This can never not be funny 😭😭
