@krisv_723 My greatest hope is for my eulogy to start with “Her reign of terror is finally over.”
@hansabumsadaisy What’s pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
What’s purple and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.#RubbishJokes #PinkDay
#ThursdayVibe
You Might Also Like
@krisv_723 
@ArfMeasures HER: I’m a big fan of Nirvana
ME: Oh yeah? Name 3 other ultimate spiritual goals
@dafloydsta [death row]
GUARD: Ok, here’s your last meal. Bon appétit.
CAT: *slowly pushes meal off table*
@3sunzzz The advantage in having a lot of children is that statistically speaking, you’re bound to like at least one of them.
@onion_an Me: My dog has gone missing
Dog pound: What colour is it?
Me: Brown
Dog pound: Sex?
Me [turns to wife]: Has the dog lost his virginity?
@kvetchings Re: global warming and the cold weather
“Liberals keep telling me the Titanic is sinking but my side of the ship is 500 feet in the air.”
@YesThatAmy Sir, I cannot take you seriously. You’re wearing capris. Capris. CAPRIS.
@trevso_electric dam girl
@IfIwassomething Snakes full of cheese instead of poison would certainly improve the atmosphere at this church.
@bobvulfov KENNEDY: lets keep our affair a secret
MARILYN MONROE: ok i’ll sing happy birthday all sexy & weird at ur bday
K: pls dont
MM: *winking* ok