@scott_towel When the grid crashes and there’s no other way of communicating, we’ll see whose drum circle is “stupid”.
@TPAIN Yo. Real shit. Just bcause you went and got your logo printed on some t-shirts, that does NOT mean you have a clothing company. U got shirts
You Might Also Like
@scott_towel 
@carlyken Noah’s Ark was so unrealistic. Have you ever tried to pen up velociraptors? Did the guy who wrote the Bible even watch Jurassic Park first?
@murrman5 [helping son prepare for first date]
“what if she doesn’t like it”
*stuffing handkerchiefs up son’s sleeve* be confident in your magic, son
@jlock17 I’ve stopped texting “K” and started texting “L” instead so I don’t have to reach so far over with my thumb.
@Eithercryingor I shed so much hair, I couldn’t commit a perfect murder if I tried.
@abhorrent_wife Clean sheet day!!
*brushes Pringles crumbs over to his side of the bed*
@Briidashian “Let’s run the bell commercial we’ve been playing for the past 17 years and take the month of December off” – The Hershey Kisses Marketing Team
@McMcmadmac When my wife got her tongue pierced I asked her why? She said To enhanthe the thektual thimulation.
@MacAnnabella “That wasn’t chicken in the Chow Mein”
I’d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
@ThisOneSayz Save your voice calling for your kids. Just open a bag of chips and they’ll materialize out of nowhere.