Maybe just don’t throw stones in any kind of house.
2: I no want to eat pasta! It too spicy!
Me: Oh ok then
2: I no wan watch Mickey Mouse he too spicy!
2: NO BATH TIME BATH TOO SPICY
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Autocorrect changed “stranger” to “strangler” & it made me wonder how often I must have written about murdering people to teach it that.
[trying to stick a dollar in a vending machine]
vending machine: i have a boyfriend
Caught my sex robot in bed with my Roomba.
“I love the Fall, the trees are so pretty”
“Ya, so what?”
[leaves start attacking everyone]
OMG THE LEAVES HAVE TURNED
Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager? Those Xmas Hams are expired
[changes sign to “Vintage Hams”]
Hipster: I’ll take 4
I was 14, my dad caught me drinking. ‘Dad, that’s the first time’
‘That’s a lie, no one ever gets caught the first time.’
So I robbed a bank
I shouted “the blue Subaru with an Obama sticker left its lights on!” at Mt. Bachelor and had the *entire* hill to myself for an hour
That’s disgusting! Where did you learn to do that?! Don’t wipe boogers on Mommy’s pillow!
Wipe it on Daddy’s
Oh, you climbed Mt. Everest?
Well, I live with 4 teenagers and ALL the laundry in the house is clean AND folded.