I’m sorry you’re breaking up [static sound] I’m about to go through a tunnel.
Dad, we’re right in front of you
Uh….. go ask your mom.
20/__ — Cyclops with perfect vision
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My newly married friend begins most sentences with, “My husband said.” My go to response is, “My dogs haven’t said much today.”
Where do avocados come from? Uh, well, when a crocodile loves a pear very much…
Home is where the Wi-Fi is.
Me: I’m looking for a word that means slight pause
Me: *erasing ‘our sex life’* thanks
If you’re looking for a good place to buy a Blackberry, I’d suggest 2006.
I’m going to get so many free clothes when the rapture comes.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
Me: “I’d like to pay by card.”
Me: “No, you can cuddle me.”