@DonCYHaute
@alfageeek What’s the new etiquette rule: am I supposed to wait until everyone is done photographing their meals before I start eating mine?
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@alfageeek 
@smiles_and_nods After my third trip to the grocery store to buy ingredients for our ice cream maker it hit me — they sell ice cream at the grocery store.
@ObKeeng 15 Is The Age Where You Either Look Like 11 Or 25.
@daemonic3 *buys a bunch of stuff at Costco*
Sir, you wanna box for those?
“Nah, I hate violence. Can I just pay cash?”
@CandyEmpires Twitter: “Where people are openly Gay and secretly Republican”
@PhuckinCody “Goodbye, cruel world.” I say while taking one too many Flinstone vitamins
@enigmaterics I can confirm that men and women may disagree on when advice is helpful.
In related news, it is warm enough to sleep outside.
@squirrel74wkgn *knocks on bathroom stall wall*
Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
“Huh? What?”
It’s been 3 days since my last-
[sound of diarrhea]
@ShesAllNat What if animals “were” injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits? Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
@KamaroPayne My kids are gone for the WHOLE day.
I miss them SO much, I can barely bring myself to pop this 3rd bottle of Champagne.